Monday, February 08, 2010


I manage to steal a couple of hours away from everyone and go to the mall.  While there, I happen upon a bargain table of books.  The collection is by no means impressive but one book catches my eye. Its sole subject? The trapdoor spider.

Devyn -- who casually dines next to enshrined, dessicated insect carcasses on the breakfast table -- finds spiders and insects interesting and I want to learn for her and to connect with her and I'm going to be that mother -- the one who picks up books about spiders to feed her daughter's curiosity even when said child is not around.  But, I need to be casual. 

OK. So, I'm casual.

I should have taken off my jacket.

I look around slowly before I turn the page.

What's the problem, right? They're morphologically different from us and from any other creature crawling on the earth but, really, they're just different.

The red page.  It has a nice green border and its photos are finely detailed and OMFG! I'm looking at a hideous creature -- an alien, repulsive, one-might-as-well-be-crawling-up-my-arm monster of a spider!  Forget it -- I can't be casual.  I know people hear me yelp; I drop the book and head for the exit.

But I did look, I tell myself . . . I guess that's a start.

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